A Bitch Slap of Truth!

I have read, heard and been asked by women, that are usually very good friends and know me, where can I find a good MAN?! They say, "Just Steve, where can I find someone as caring and will listen to me like you do?" To which I have to reply, "It is very hard to find that one that does all that you want and have wanted!"

You know what ladies, I am sure that you have known guys or heard stories of guys that were very, very nice and wanted all the same things that you do....those guys were always with some psychotic hosebeast, that doesn't appreciate him, his family, or his friends. However I bet, you looking from the outside in, see all of that wasted talent on this crazy ass female that treats him like a “floor mat”, and lies like a "fat puppy" about sleeping around. You know that he could be so much more with you, but you can't seem to make him see or notice his predicament and you definitely don't want to be the "slut between them" or the "rebound". You want to be noticed for your own beauty and gifts. You are also hoping that he will notice in you what you see in him.

Ok fine, I see your point...but what you have to do is, quit being the nice and level headed person you always are...grab some Boone's Farm, Seran Wrap and KY, and get your pistol too...cause its time to go MF'in crazy. What I am trying to say is the "Good" guys always seem to be attracted to the life sucking, hosebeast of a vampire that he skeet-skeets with, when he always wants that good person to love and support him. See, those crazy bitches act like you ladies really are, then once they have their meat hooks in the "Good" ones, then they let loose with the "azies"...Crazy and Lazy. So "Just Steve" says, go be the crazy bitch first and transition into your demure and tranquil self, the "Good" guy won't know what hit him and he will be hooked for life. You all know of some guy or have dated some guy that talks about his crazy ex's, hell you might have some of your own stories. I am just sayin"....let crazy be your guide to love for once...instead of your heart and head. Like Minnie Driver says, in Grosse Pointe Blank, "Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?" Think about that for a bit, before you move on.

So here is the "Bitch Slap of Truth"! The male ego is fragile and narrow in deviation of a single goal. Men are driven by sex and indirect sexual classification and motivators in a social environment. Which means just what my Dad always told me, there are only two things that run this world, "Pussy and Petroleum". The male is not interested in sex, NEVER! (Yeah, whatever!) However, once he begins a relationship with a female (or male, I am a progressive thinker), he then slowly reveals what he likes, or what drives him to be who he is and then tries to match his qualities with the partner's qualities. It is at this moment that this very nice, caring, passionate and loving individual finds himself staring down the business end of a shallow, self-centered, blood sucking tick of a woman. This "Biatch", does not care to reciprocate any love or expression of caring towards the man that is trying to be far more for her than she ever deserves. She never gives back in the relationship, physically or emotionally, she only takes. This is what we in the business call, "A Fucked up Situation!" I know you are sitting there and saying, "Just Steve, you really think you know what you are talking about?"...hell yes I do! Not only am I the President of this club, but I am also a client.

What you ladies don't understand is that this is the 21st century, its time to be scandalous. You don't have to play games, you just have to know what you want and go get it. Let's say that there is a guy that you have been eye-ballin'. This guy is with a manipulative, clingy hooker or just a flat out terror of a street walker that will punch and bite everything in sight. Well, its time for you to roll your sleeves up and say, "No More! He's my house bitch and I won't settle for anything less, than to have him!" “So, Just Steve, I am just supposed to act like some Jacked up bitch to get the man I want?” Uh, yeah….have you been listening? Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines “Scandalous” as, 1) Libelous, defamatory (scandalous allegations), 2) Offensive to Propriety or Morality: Shocking (scandalous behavior). So what I am trying to spell out for those of you that think you are too good to do anything, like go a after someone else’s man, is you are going to have to risk getting a little dirty (maybe a little slutty) to have the perfect companion and relationship.
What attracts the “good” men?
• Men like a woman that can control herself and can be strong willed.
• Men like a very strong and independent woman, to want to be cared for and protected by a man, even if they don’t need it.
• Men want to be the Alpha male and establish dominance, but they love to have that very strong and supportive person pushing them to do better.
• Men love to be nurtured, however, they don’t want to be smothered and don’t like clingy.
• Men need to feel like they are in control, even if the woman controls everything (see what Dad told me above).
• Men are looking for that crazy beast in the bedroom, the bitch in the boardroom and the best friend in a swimming costume (I had to rhyme).
• Most importantly, the “Good Man”, wants a woman that knows what she wants, but wants her man to be the man…no matter how strong she is!

I know I kind of repeated the information but I had to say it in different ways because some of you don’t think in some of these terms.

One last thing, if you are going to “Go for It!”, then might I suggest meeting crazy with crazy! Which means, you know the women that are using up these good guys and draining them of all of their life, they will get buck wild to protect their catch…even though they are letting it rot and go unused…I say go grab her by the nape of the neck, put your Jimmy Choo stiletto in her ass and rescue that man…that's what he needs and deserves is you! That is the final secret. The man has to know that he is wanted without a doubt, and that he can be rescued, this is what the "Good" men want.

If you plan to use this information, then there are two things you need to know. First, if you are not confident, you always go with the flow, and you can’t stand up for what you want…then this advice is not for you. Secondly, if the man is really just someone you wanna hook up with, or he is a P.O.A. (piece of ass), or he is just someone you are trying to hurt someone else with, then this information is not for you.

This is for the hopeless romantic, the torch bearer of a passion lost…for the single mother finding her first boyfriend that devoted his life to her…this is for the single older woman that says, I don’t have time for games….this is for you.

Now, one side note, if you actually get what you are going after…then know that crazy will still try and take what you have, so its cool and even sexually stimulating to see you ladies go all out to protect your man from a “Slippery When Wet” hooker. The Good men love that and will reward you greatly for it! I know from experience.

Why must I be called "Just Steve"!

I know that the past few entries have been somewhat comedic in nature, and I have been challenged to write something a little more serious and reveal something of myself to you, the audience. So in accordance with my, "I will not be out done" attitude, and my always wanting to "establish dominance" over this person, I have felt like I need to describe the title of this blog. This will give you a little deeper insight of the personality and character that is driving this Titanic towards the iceberg.

It all started, several months before my glistening skin and magical eyes hit the sunlight of this world. I was still incubating, when my mother and father began a discussion that has had an impact on me, even until this day. As most parents did, they discussed their hopes and dreams for their child, often talking of living in some place far, far from where they were raised. As most couples often do, they began to discuss names for their unborn child. They had no intention of me being a girl, this was their first child and by God it was going to be a strapping young man, which turned out quite well for them, if I do say so myself.

They began to throw out names, and my mother cannot remember most of the names they discussed, except for these two, are you ready...because once I heard them I had a blank stare on my face for about 2-3 hours...seriously are you ready??? My mother wanted me to be called "Starbuck", upon hearing this...father was taken back, he said, "Well hell, if your gonna call him that, then call him 'Sasha Moshe', Dammit!"...yeah thanks Dad, as if that would've made it better. Now that you have heard the names, wait until you hear the reasoning behind the names.

My mother looked at my father and said, "Oh, so that's what we're doing today?". To which he replied, "You need to listen to my reasoning about this before you decide on MF'in Starbuck!"
This is what he said,

You know, you and I share a movie about devotion, love lost, love found, revolution, love lost only to be found again, then die a horrific death. Our movie is Doctor Zhivago, his son's name was Sasha. I assumed that I see myself as Yuri Zhivago, the tortured poet and Doctor. You of course are his wife Tonya, with whom their first son is Sasha.

My mother said ok, what the hell is with the "Moshe"?

My father said don't you remember in the 1960's during the 6 day war of the Israeli's and the Palestinians, the military commander was "Moshe Dayan (Die-yanne)"...he wore a patch over his left eye, he just looked like a tough somebitch! I want that for our son as well. Then Dad spouted of some bullshit about, it sure is a hell of a lot better than "Starbuck", I mean our son is not going to be first mate to Captain Ahab in their search for Moby Dick...faithful to the last and getting killed for his loyalty to a mad man.

My mom said hell no, I think Dirk Benedict off of Battlestar Galactica is hot, that's why. (Dirk Benedict played Lt. Starbuck in the 1970's Battlestar Galactica)

My dad became furious and said, that was it...that's all this MF'in conversation has been about, is because you think some funky-ass dude is hot! We are going to name our son "Steve", my mom replied with, "You mean Steven?". This is when my Dad did me in for good...he said if you are going to call him Steve, then just name him Steve, if you are going to call him Steven, then by God, you had better call him Steven!

Thanks...Dad!, my name is Just "Steve", no "Steven", just "Steve"...all through school I had to explain that my name is not Steven it is just "Steve"....Thanks Mom and Dad...I had the nick name of "just Steve" groing up. It wasn't "hey Steve you wanna play?", it was always "Hey Just Steve come here!"...that's why you will be going to the nursing home early, if I have anything to say about...and I will make sure you two share the same room, not like now, where you two are in separate rooms like Lucy and Desi Arnez.


This is the nightmare that my parents hath bore me unto....please...won't you join me? step in and hold on, and let me know about any horror stories you have about being named or naming a chillren.

I am Feeling a Little Amorous Today! ~For the Ladies

To all my single ladies, if he liked then he would've put a ring on it! Take these lessons be fruitful and Multiply...come to think of it....why don't we all multiply...excuse me....

Is that a keg in your pants? [No, why?] Cause I'm trying to tap that.

You've been a bad boy! Now go to MY room!

I bet I could beat you at football. [No way.] Give me the ball and you tackle.

Hi. [Trust us, it doesn't take much to pick up the average guy.]

I may not be Wilma, but I can sure make your bedrock.

Do these look real?

Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

[Reach for the back of their shirt and look at the tag, then say:] Just what I thought, made in Heaven.

You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves...

I love every bone in my body...especially yours.

Have you ever seen a girl swallow an entire banana? [wink, wink]

Is that a rocket in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg was Christmas, can I visit you in between the holidays?


You wanna get a pizza and fuck? [Excuse me?] What? You dont like pizza?

I am Feeling a Little Amorous Today! ~For the Guys

I found these at www.romancestuck.com/pickup-lines.htm, this is what I would use on my short G-Low's, both the white bread and Latina! Em and L-Dogg would get shown some love too!

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

Can I lick that film off your teeth?

Did they just take you out of the oven? [No, why?] Because you're hot!

Do you have a map? [No, why?] Because I just got lost in your eyes.

Let's go behind that rock, and get a little boulder.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? [No, why?] 'Cause I can see me in your pants.

You want me. I can smell it.

Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.

Are you from Tennessee? [No, why?] Because you're the only 10 I see!

Do you sleep on your stomach? [yes/no] Can I?

Fat penguin. [What?] I just wanted to say something to break the ice.

Do you have a quarter? [Why?] I told my boyfriend/girlfriend that I would call him/her when I found someone better.

Where is the Poe Toaster?

Since 1949, there has been a mysterious visitor that makes a pilgrims journey to the burial site of Edgar Allen Poe, in Baltimore. The "Poe Toaster" as he came to be known, became a famous, albeit peculiar, tradition on the birthday of Edgar Allen Poe which is Jan. 19th.

What's even more pecular are the f'in morons keeping vigil for one person to show up and bear gifts to the writers grave site. The "Poe Toaster" always left 3 red roses and a half bottle of Cognac. I am all about knowing devotion like that, have you ever read "Love in the Time of Cholera", I digress...too much devotion and carrying torches for old flames to discuss today, leave it to a bunch of "hardcopy" geeks to start crying in the breast milk just becasue someone didn't show. I mean is that the only reason you go there, to the grave site, is to f'in cabbage on to someone elses devotion? What about honoring Poe's life, instead of waiting to see if some 60 year old tradition is going to fail. Did you ever think he gave you what you wanted was for him to fail? I mean that is all anyone really wants toi see from other people...its not endurance in faith or love, its, "how long will it take for this person to fail." So he gave you what you wanted so now you can leave him alone...however, I read they are still going to keep a look out for him until 2012.

I for one, am glad he didn't show, he did something "Punk"...which for those of you reading, Edgar Allen Poe was one of the first "Punk" Rockers or Gothic Underground Vampires, so he would have just been showing his devotion to E.A.P. by acting like him and do the unexpected. Glory awaits...and you will be remembered for not showing, but people will forget you if you continue to do the same thing over and over. So in 50 years are they still gonna wait up for this guy too....probably...if he does show up next year and on, then everyone will talk about that "one" time he didn't show....I say bravo and do it again...do it again!

An Epiphany

Ok, so its been a while since I have stated something. I have been having cramps so its been hard to write (that was a joke).

I have decided I am going to use this Blog for stories, that are pertaining to situations that I have prior knowledge of, and for the poetry and fun stuff that has made me an endearing part of your lives.

Just like the story that has driven me to seek out my fame and fotune as a writer, of sorts. I know this person, I will not say any names, but she is apparently a teacher of children. That in and of its self is very scary, not to mention she is very crazy. However, she has become an examiner of the nightlife of my home town. If you read her post it sounds like something that you would hand in to a teacher, like a book report over the migration patterns of the dragonfly. The writing is very bland and boring...yes the punctuation is correct....but damn...it only makes you want to sleep or jump off of a low hanging tree limb, just to break something....not actually kill yourself. I mean, she is smart, I guess, but doesn't know her audience and that is why she's got to go! I am going to write about the same things and more...but it will be in the style that my shotgun audience has come to adore. I beg this woman writing the reviews....please stop, you make us want to papercut ourselves in very bad ways....and if you are getting paid for this dry and monotonus garb you call writing then, I am fixing to get paid...and have the phat pockets....cause you suck.

I will let you know further about my other articles....I will post the link, should be tomorrow or so.

To all my single ladies, if he liked it he would've put a ring on it.

If you hear these pick up lines in a bar, stop and let that man buy you a drink, however, refuse any drink that was sent to you for your own safety, it might contain Ruffies/Floories/Rapies.

Line:

"Can I buy you a drink, so I will look better?"

"Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme, cause Jean-Claude Van Damme your sexy!"

"I am not very good at pick up lines, so can I just play with your breasts?"

Remember:

Chuck Norris doesn't get the "Swine Flu", "Swine Flu" gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

The Perfect Time

I was just told some information that has me astonished and dumfounded (However EM, I look resplendent while looking jacked up). If you have a young, beautiful, loyal and amiable flower, that thinks you hung the moon and stars, yet her friends are wanting your balls in a jar (Ryhming). If you she focuses herself on you and you are treating her like shit...oh you might have one or two days where you are above average, but on the whole you are an ass bag, and she buys you something like a playstation 3 and you reciprocate the giving of the festive gifts with a CD and key chain that plays music.....woooooooooo I hate you, let me tell you something, a real man....well never mind, if you couldn't see how that is a manbitch-move to begin with, then you never understand what a real man would have done.

However, if you think that you can hold on to a young femme fatale like that....I got news for ya junior, there are about 25-30 real men....waiting to show her what life is all about.

"Just Steve" Say, you go girl..go on get your swerve on with someone who will appreciate and allow you to be you....and will not hold you back...its your world we just livin' in it!

Well, Let's Just Say a Little Birdie Told Me

I was on my way to slave for the "man" this morning, when it occured to me, that as our nation's gas prices are rising, our Law Enforcement vehicles are increasing in size as well. I am all for "Serve and Protect", but most police officers I know are here to "Instigate and Harass" or pulling over 20 something year old girls and giving them tickets for "Driving while Foxy". Now, if we are having trouble filling our own gas tanks, and having to curb our mileage on the old family Porsche', then don't you think that the Law Enforcement agents should either drive a car, ride a bike or hoof it? Because those MF'ers are just driving around in 8 MPG vehicles, driving them home, going into the doughnut shop and leaving them running. I believe they could drive SMART cars or Mini Coopers, and let's see how motivated they are to be a male appendage.

But wait, I was just told that the Law Dogs, get their vehicles from Drug seizures and "stuff". Hmmmmmmm, so they go in and take somebody's shit, impound their shit, then don't pay shit for it, then all the insurance and gas for those "MFin'" vehicles, once they are claimed for the "protection of our communities", is then paid in full by us, the broke ass tax payer. It just doesn't make sense to me....if those vehicles are "basically free", according to the city governments, who claim to be borderline bankrupt in the first place, yet they still manage to buy these new Tahoes, 4-door trucks and "stuff". How come we can't take these drug seized vehicles and give them to a struggling family.

Isn't that what community is about? I know of several "A-hole" police men, and only two true police officers. The two I know are the only thing that keeps my faith in some sort of law and order. However, I digress, the needy...the single mom with 3 kids, who gets no help from the kids dad, in which her car only goes forward, no reverse and no heater....shouldn't that person be entitled to a seized vehicle. Do you really think that the Police are entitled? Their rights stop with ours, maybe if they bought half of their own police cruiser, they wouldn't wreck it or drive it so bad, and if they paid half their gas, then they would be more mindful of turning it off or slowing down.

Setting Things Straight

Look this is how "Just Steve Says" sees it:

If you are in this range you are the title it says. Ground rules if a woman is trying to snag a guy that is 5+ years younger, then this is your definition.

Woman's Ages:

20-29 = A Bobcat
30-39 = A Puma
40-49 = A Couger
50-59 = A Jaguar
60+ = You are a Mountain Lioness.

Poems I use to help the overly mundane and blah!

To my Dirty Little Girls after Losing one of your own:


In a time of dragons and ghouls,

There lived two princesses,

That were locked away for two simple rules.



One was for naughtiness undefined,

The other was for back talking to mankind.

Their lives were spared on all Hallow’s eve,

Due to debauchery, lust and greed.



The two princesses dwelt in a tower of brick,

The naughty, blonde was heard running around screaming “Rick!”

The other young maiden shouted curses at the guards,

Like MF your mom, and she threw her food saying, “I’m gonna bite your nards!”



These two maidens were a sight to behold,

Living the dream and laughing at the old,

Now, to these two, luck is fleeting,

They both talk of balls and how they take a beating



Though due to today’s lack of the third to complete their coven,

I remark to the one with bun in the oven.

Lean over to your new compadre in arms,

Say Dustin please don’t be alarmed,

But with Lacey here we talk of balls and dick,

But you know what Dustin, “Rick, Rick, Rick!”


For the L-Dogg:

In this time of separation from dad and mom,

Believe me when I say, bake something,

Cause that shizzle you gave us was bomb.



Now today is dreary and wet and dirty,

Hey, that’s how I feel everyday,

And you will too, once you reach the age of thirty.



You need to call your fam damily once in a while,

Let us know you are hunky-dunky

I bet as you are reading this you are cracking a smile.



I want to drop on you some back woods country Schoolin’

Be what you are, and don’t take no for an answer,

And at night tape your lips together to stop droolin’



I know this poem is lame, but its all I got,

I bet if you asked Emily about today,

She would say, “Here’s my belly, lets do jello shots!”



Oh lookie there, the clock keeps tocking then a tick,

Hey Glo and Emily, hook a sister up,

When you call her, whisper, “Rick, Rick, Rick!”


To the New Cock in the Hen House:

Well, well, well the time has come,
for lonely nights to become news
a booty call and erotic dream have their fun.

To the fan of the stories, I must sing the blues,
because one is wrong and one is lost,
but to them both one takes what she wants and one is being used.

Don't dream of reading filth and dream of being tossed,
While awake, watch the Bang Bus and see the man erupt,
And then you might get choked out spanked or cussed.

To the booty call, I am sorry you had to learn this and man up,
She is trying to eat cake and delay the having it too,
But from pimp to pimp there is only one thing you can do,
Answer the calls here and there, treat her like a goddess,
Then get her in the front seat of the truck and rip off her bodice,
She will act like she has never done this before,
Just look at her and smirk and think your daddy's dirty little whore,
Rip her clothes, spank her hard, and pull some hair out,
She can only wrap her legs around you, and scream and shout,
I can only say this from one man-hoe to another,
Please don't treat her like you would your mother,
She deserves to be thrown around, her belly button tickled from inside her gut,
But always remember, act like this is your last time, so put your thumb in her butt.


The Lost Art Form of the Limerick:


Emily was the name of this hooker,

She was dirty, but still quite a looker,

She flicked her bean while alone,

Plays the Rusty Trombone,

And an Elephant with an Afro will spook her.



Gloria was limber, but taught,

She likes the shocker a lot,

But with some lube and a rub,

Drink the hell out of E-Dub,

She got tied up in a Dog-Knot.



Lacey was cute and sweet,

But she was looking for the “Big” meat

She dressed up like a whore,

Got the business now she’s sore,

Now she can’t sit down for a week.

Random Thoughts Throughout the Day

In my home town, we have a new radio station, well at least its a new format for the old radio station. Did you ever know that you were old, whenever they devote an entire radio station's format to your generation, then call it classic rock.....woooooooooo I hate you...and I'll kill ya!

Ok, I heard from a very good subordinate of mine, that if the government made your auto insurance part of your taxes, then everyone would be covered and there would not be alot of litigious type assnine law suits for people with out insurance. However, your local governments would hate it, because they get money for writing you tickets for "no insurance", then if your license is suspended, the fee to reinstate it, then jail time and court costs, if you have been a naughty little girl! However, I think it would be a great idea, and reduce on immigration, because if you get in a car wreck, after this law would take effect, and had no insurance...then you would have to be illegal, because that means you don't pay taxes........wooooooooo I hate you...and I'll kill ya!

Ok, if a woman backs up out of a parking space, as you are slowly trying to drive past her, and she doesn't look to even see if anyone is coming...and she is backing out and gonna hit you, then she sees you and begins to mouth off something about you or the situation...how would you feel? Well, "Just Steve" says, that he felt insulted and told her to go put some f'in make up on, to which my co-pilot, who was a charming young woman replied, "Well that wasn't sexist!" So I had to stop and let her in on a little secret. If you see some unpainted heifer, and she is not pregnant or ill, she is just out running errands, then you have to assume one thing. If she doesn't care about her appearence, then she doesn't care about herself, which means she won't care about anybody....especially the people that are driving around her. You see, if you take care of yourself, then you respect yourself....if you respect yourself, then you respect others....its simple......wooooooooooo I hate you....and I'll kill ya!

OK, this type of service is what I am talking about....my hairdresser Shelly is the MF'in bomb. I can go to her and say, I am here do what you want, and she will style me up, the way she feels I should be, because she knows me.....that's service and I never have ever not been satisified or pleased with the outcome. So to Supercuts and Procuts I will just say....woooooooooo I hate you....and I'll kill ya!

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions - The Illusion of a New Year

I decided that we should put the "Stink Eye" on the New Year's Resolution debacle, Here are a few statistics and then we will be taking "The Snagging Wagon" to "The Stabbin Cabin", if you know what I mean.

According to http://ezinearticles.com, Each year 40% - 45% of adults make one or more resolutions or goals for themselves. Research shows that 75% make it past the first week, and 46% make it past 6 months. Now while a lot of people break there resolutions, statistics on New Year's resolutions show that setting goals for yourself is still good because you are 10 times more likely to attain your goal, rather than people who don't explicitly make goals.

So let me get this Straight, there are between 300 and 400 million Americans. Which we will say half of those are aged 18 years+. So I will use 350 million, then half of that...which is...175 million. Ok, Ok...so now 45% of 175 million is 78,750,000. So out of 350 million people 78+ million, make resolutions, which only 75% of the 78 will make it past the first week. Ok, ok so that leaves 59,062,500 that are still trying to achieve their goal, after the first week. Ok, Ok...so, roughly by July 4th, there are 27,168,750 million people still sticking to their guns and trying to change their habits, lifestyles...whatever. Somtimes I think it might be the goals that we set for ourselves and the insurmountable apathy and laziness that has set this country apart for the last 4 decades. These goals we make for ourselves are only attainable for at least the first 6 months by 7.7% of our population of 350 million people....this is a conservative number people! 7.7% will last just the 6 months...what about after that...the number doesn't go up.

So "Just Steve Says", this is how we should actually view the New Year's Resolution...instead of being one of those "yeah, right moments", where haters will come out of there raggity-bitch places to make fun of your ass...I might suggest a different train of thought...another point of view, if you will, from the shores of indifference, to the lactating beauty that is the Grand Tetons...it's time for some knowledge to be had by all.

Ok, so I have looked up on www.squidoo.com (reliable?....nnneeeuuuuhhh). Ok, so the top 10 New Year's Resolutions were this, in this same order.

1. Stop Smoking
2. Get Into Habit of Being Fit
3. Lose Weight
4. Live Life More
5. Quit Drinking
6. Organize Yourself
7. Learn Something New
8. Get Out of Debt
9. Spend More Time with Family
10. Help People

Seriously, is this list of wishes what we have, as a nation of languorous people, become...I know it is hard to understand, but just follow me, and shortly you will see what I am trying to loquaciously define.

If you are somewhat like me, you would look at the top ten list and say, well, some of these can't happen without the other. In the same breath you could also say, what kind of shit is this!!! Some of these cancel out some of these others. Then you could just sit back and go, no wonder we have only a two political party system, because of the simple mindedness of this country, we cannot deal with too many choices, I mean look at how many of us are going to try and change themselves, and look at the choices that the majority are stating that they want to do. It looks like a Monkey fucking a football.

This is what it should say:

1. Stop Smoking - you will automatically gain 25 pounds, be irritable and will ultimatly junk punch someone or put a staple in their eye or just simply burn every MF-in' place that has done you wrong, straight to the damn ground. So, good luck with that one.

2. Get Into Habit of Being Fit - Usually you have to lose weight to get fit, so if about 35-40% of the population smokes, then see #1, and tell me if this second one is very likely to happen.

3. Lose Weight - See #1, if you gain 25 pounds from quitting smoking, then you won't want to lose weight, you'll want to eat and smoke. However, if you are already overweight, and can't attribute 25 lbs. to something like smoking, then you are up shit creek, because if you haven't lost it by now...chances are you never will. Because you have been lazy or something for awhile, and dieting and exercise takes time...and you apparently are not patient, because of all the Double Cheeseburgers you have been eating through the fast-food window

4. Live Life More - Well considering what is next, WTF? is fun in life? In order to live life more, you cannot be incumbered by rules and lists, however, they do help to get you on track. Once you begin to stumble down that slippery slope of "not giving a fuck what people think" and just living for you, then you will live life more.

5. Quit Drinking - Hmmmm....can't commit or comment, cause I'll neck-punch someone

6. Organize Yourself - Seriously....this is getting MF-in ridiculous. If I was organized to begin with, I wouldn't be stressed, so no smoking, I wouldn't be overeight or unfit, because I would always have a schedule for exercise (because idle hands are the devil's workshop). I would live life more, because I would have everything listed and checkboxes to mark off for "Thing's to Do Before I Die!". Also, I wouldn't need to get out of debt, because the bills would be paid and I would always have savings and other marketable gains.

7. Learn Something New - If you are a dumb shit...then....Good Luck! To learn something new is to find out that you have a fault or a deficiency, isn't that this list...(What an A-hole!)

8. Get Out of Debt - OMG, how are you going to do that, if you want to live life? Really, in business it takes spending money to make money, that's how the addage goes...but in life spend anything over a dollar and you 'll need three more dollars spent to compensate for wanting to spend that one dollar. (Look, don't ask me to explain this one today...I will in the future)

9. Spend More Time with Family - Dunno about this bullshit!, this reason is why I drink, smoke, am fat and out of shape.

10. Help People - If I could help people, they wouldn't have to learn anything new...as it is 97% of the population, has their head inserted into asses. I mean watch on the highways and roads...they are everywhere.

Ok, so maybe those didn't make sense to you, but I bet that most of you made a resolution...you just need to tell me when you broke it. Because you only have a 7.7% chance of success, and you know there are better odds in a casino or the lottery...imagine that!