I say this, after having some time with friends and mining for the character of a new (at least to me), person to add to the round table of friends that I have accrued. I have to say I am impressed, shocked, and was left jaw-dropped at the verbal exchange taking place, then...I remembered that I created it, so guess what happened next? I realized, I was the MF'in man! I had to give myself an "Atta Boy!" for my small talk wizardry.
Good Game Me!Yes, I can say Veni, Vidi, Vici! (I came , I saw, I conquered). I love to meet new people, see their faces at some of the questions that I throw out there, then the responses I get are so funny, or tell-tale signs of true character revelation. I think I have met a very good friend now, I can say that if she can reveal painful, blushing, and carnally spicy pieces of herself without pausing or being offended...then she will be added to "Just Steve's" Knights of the Card Table. The effort that was placed in the "give-and-take" was low, but the debasement that ensued was thrilling and entertaining. So she is added...I hope she makes me proud.
I know some of you are asking, "What in the Hell was said?", then again some of you just don't care....so I will tell you anyway.
This in no way, was an interrogation or a set up for some cheesy pick up sequence, to hook a brotha' up...my 5' tall female body guard was there to make sure that everything was copacetic and would throw some "Louisiana Crazy" around on everyone if we got outta hand.
So now for some dialogue:
The Piercing
So sit down, have some lunch there is the handshake and then you know how it goes. Whenever you first meet someone, there are intro's and small talk banter...but I hate that. I go straight into the probing and a little conversational tenderness. I had to ask if there were any tattoo's, piercings or strange growth deformities. The response I thought I would get was a blushing and coy answer of, "Like what? What do you mean?". What I actually received was a frightful load of information that had me wondering if sometimes, too much is truly too much!
Remember, that Project X is a female that is the Girl Bodygaurd's Project. I am just trying to do what all little boy's do and undermine, pick and annoy the girls...but what happens next, well let's just I am "learnt"!
Just Steve
So, do you have any tattoo's, piercings or growth deformities that we should know about?
Project X
Yeah, I have tattoo right here on my wrist, see? I also have one that me and my brother went and had done, I designed his, then he told the tattoo artist what he wanted me to have...you know it was one of those sibling gay moments.
Just Steve
Nope, dunno about that...tell me more.
Project X
Well, if I get another tat, I think it'll be something special...anything else?
Just Steve
Dunno, you tell me?
Project X
Well, I have had my boobs done, because I was like a stick in High school, I mean I graduated with the figure of a 14 year old boy...so I had an enhancement.
Just Steve
Why was your...
Project X
(Interrupting)
You have to understand I was a dancer for so long that I was just a walking board. But that has changed. Since I am curvier now, I will have them adjusted to my shape.
Just Steve
Well they look real.
Project X
Well most girls have them placed on top of the muscle, I had mine placed under and in a tear drop style. Most girls want them like balloons on top and look like Pam Anderson.
Girl Bodyguard
Yeah we have a friend like that...that's all you see are balloons.
Just Steve
Yeah, but her face isn't much to look at so they have to be sticking way out there to distract...but we digress, is that it?
Project X
Well, I have had some piercings.
Just Steve
Like your lip, tongue, etc.?
Project X
Yep, but I have had everything pierced.
Just Steve
Everything?
Project X
Everything.
Just Steve
You mean your "little man in the boat?'
Project X
Damn straight! I would do it again and then take it out, when the hole grew back and go do it again...whew it is worth it!
Just Steve
Uhhhhhh...you mean..ummm...you liked it enough to have a little...
Project X
Hell Yeah! You see when I first went in there I went to have put in my "little man". I had heard some girls go sideways with it, but I went straight up and down.
Just Steve
How in the hell...I am sorry I am trying to grasp the logistics of the procedure and just WTF?
Project X
Well, I went in there and talked to this guy with rainbow colored hair. He convinced me that it doesn't hurt, as long as you have someone who knows what they are doing. So I said ok, and once I got in to the stirrup chair, the kind like you have when you go for an exam...
Just Steve
Yeah I know...go on...
Project X
Well, I started having second thoughts, when I looked down and there was this rainbow-colored hair, between my legs, for business not for pleasure and I got a little nervous....then he took a small clamping device and clamped it on to the "little man", and I went "whoop! That was a very good-type of naughty sensation that caught me off guard. I mean I think I had a small "O" right then....then he stuck the needle in, and the actual piercing of this already aroused and prepped for business part of my body, just like screamed out with a new and strange procedure for what I was looking for from any man. Whew...Damn! I might have to go get one after talking about it.
Just Steve
(Wiping sweat from his face, and drinking a tall glass of tea very fast)
Yeah me too!
Ok, so you see what I mean by too much...this was our first meeting. That'll MF'in learn me, next time I'll just asked about tattoo's. I wonder if this is the guy that pierced her "Little Man in the Boat". Oh and guy's if you don't know what I am talking about when I say "Little Man", then either you are single or have very dissatisfied partner that probably likes "Twilight" or is buried in romance novels.
Dennis Rodman Baby!
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