When is Enough, Enough?

So this is the beginning...I have something to say about everything. I am just throwing this first one out there as more of an example. I do appreciate questions, I will also comment on things at large. I hope you enjoy it, as much as I do.

I would like to tell "L" to the "D" to the "O" to the double "G", I am sorry for using our previous conversation but I had to begin and test with something. Can you dig it? I knew that you could. Ok, I am setting out to help a few people, as well as, myself in this little turbulent rat race called life. However, if you need anything, just ask and you will receive. So without anymore gilding the Lilly and with no more adieu, here we go.

Question: I am a 24 yr. old female and When you love someone, I mean REALLY love someone, when do you get to the point of enough is enough?

Just Steve Says: "When Enough is Enough"

Only you can make that determination. i know it sucks to hear, but the reason I say that is this...I have had experiences that were uninvolved at the time. They ran their course, passionate, then fighting...then baby-making, then more fighting. The one thing I always wanted to do with that person was to have fun and explore life, before all the long-term commitment planning began.

What i am trying to say is:

1. Do you see yourself with this person in 10 years, and as you visualize this, do you see you two happy and that he is changed? If so, I can tell you that for men, we do not change...we only get worse about our opinions and how we think. i am a little different from most, but I am still a slave to my gender's stupidity.
2. Do you see yourself having children with this person? (if the answer to #1 is no, then this answer better be a hell no!) Do I really need to go into this, you are in your mid twenties. 30 feels like 25, hell 35 feels like 21, all I'm sayin' is you have plenty of time. Stop trying to look for the one...when you are ready for your soul mate, he or she ; ) will appear.
3. When you pictured spending the rest of your life with someone, did you visualize the sunsets or the riding off on the white horse? Because if so, you need to start visualizing him drinking beer, watching T.V. and passing gas in front of you and the kids. Everyday life is tough. When my girlfriend and I started dating, she had such anxiety attacks that she was prescribed Xanax. The anxiety attacks were induced by heavy financial and child related burdens that she was shouldering on her own. It takes someone who truly wants to be with you and be the counterpart in your life that can help ease daily life's burdens. This counterpart can help you get back to normal, this is what happened in my situation, I stepped up and helped out and she began to have fewer and fewer attacks, until they are almost non-existent (except for when her mom shows up). When you see this person, do you see him being unselfish and giving himself over to shield you from the hurts of this world that you endure physically, as well as, mentally? I'll be honest, in my other relationships I didn't do that. They never appreciated me and what I offered, however, they did like it and took advantage of my generosity. So much so that it became a full-time give and take relationship, I gave and they took. There needs to be a balance...it all comes back to balance. You have to compliment each other. For example, let's say you go shopping for a men's pajama top. You get to the store and all they have are the tops and bottoms together, a sign says, "No splitting the top from the bottom". Then you get a call from your "Mr. Wonderful" and he says, "Babe, I need to get a pair of pajama bottoms." As, some Texan might say, "...and that's how its done!". You see, the couple is in sync with one another. Even if he didn't call, you know he only likes the bottoms and you like the tops...this is complimenting. What I am saying is look at how you two fit together, is it a complimentary relationship? Or is it trying to fit a square peg in a round hole? You know it can fit, but you are going to have to beat it and fit it all the way until the peg gets through. Then once on the other side, the peg and hole no longer resemble their former selves before this pairing took place.

Now how much are you willing to endure? You are a beautiful, smart young woman with the world by the balls. I really think you need to spend more time getting to know yourself, because only you can make you happy. The choices you make, especially in relationships will establish your happiness. Like Ice Cube says, "Chiggity-Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self!" I have a hard time believing that this type of relationship is what you want, you are too funny and caring to be asking this question in the first place.

So to answer your question, "What is are you willing to put up with?" Are you happy all day...maybe sometimes....never? Do you get unnerved sometimes when his number comes up, I know sometimes you get excited, but do the unnerved times out weigh the excited times. If yes, then you need to reevaluate Who and what makes you happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. More than being sad, I think you deserve to be happy all day and all night, year round! So why aren't you? I think you don't see yourself how others see you.

But if this helps think of this:

love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

This speaks volumes of what love is. "Love Is..." what? Put his name where the word "Love" is, and put "he" in place of "it". Then re-read it. Does he do all of those things? I seriously doubt it, it is very difficult.

One last story, I know this couple and earlier this year he went on a training trip for work. He went with a woman, who he knew was trouble and had made a request to his boss, that he not go alone with her. the boss denied it and said that they would be alright. Well he knew the whole time he was leaving with this person, yet failed to tell his partner. Once he left town with this woman she became such an overpowering force, due to alcohol and drugs, that he partook in her craziness. Whether well intentioned or not that was his second mistake. Once the journey had continued for a ways, he became inebriated and received a DUI and spent the night in jail, in another state I might add. He made his phone call to his partner who was furious, but i want to add not with him, with the situation. You see it takes that special person to see past all the proverbial pooh and see you for you and that bad situations happen to good people. Anyways, this guy thought he had lost her for good, when she showed up to the jail to bail him out, he was told it was his mother that was there. This made him breakdown and cry for two reasons, he knew that if his mom was there, she is in bad health and he could not bear to see her broken face and body, due to his stupidity, Two, he knew for sure that his soul mate had said enough is enough, you are on your own. However, when he walked out of the cell and was led to the front, there stood his partner, which made him cry even more. He knew that she was there despite her feelings of mistrust and anger towards everything that had happened. He told me that he reflected for just a few moments and realized that if she could love him like that, after being picked up for DUI, with another woman in the car and $1000 bail, then he knew he had found his "One". I have spoken with him briefly and told me that, since that day, he has lived like it would be his last with her. This is what he has told me, "When we get up, I make her laugh. When go to sleep, I make her laugh. If she needs me to go to the store, I go. If she wants to sleep, I occupy the kids and let her. If she wants to go with her friends, I let her, because she trusted me when she had no reason too." He believes that, no other woman in the world would have done what she did. He also said, "...for the kind of trust she has shown me, a person could never buy or steal what she is giving, a person can only earn it." He said he will be spending the rest of his life trying to payback her trust, loyalty and devotion to him, especially at a time when he never deserved it. Is this how you see your relationship?

When is enough, enough? I tell you what, when you figure it out, you tell me. The only thing I know is that love does...it finds its place...and it knows its place and the only thing that love does is cultivate and grow a relationship until it begins to bear good fruit. Love doesn't always try to block you from your friends or family or the things that you enjoy. Love is a constant, it always makes you laugh in the morning and laugh at night. It make you laugh every minute in between. You know what, love never says, "enough is enough", love says, "I can't or haven't done enough for you", to the other person, because love is not about being selfish.

So when is enough, enough? I hope I just answered it, if not think of this...even if that question comes to your mind, then enough has been enough.