That's All I'm Sayin'

This, the day before the "National Hangover Day", I must say I have had one of those nights. You know what I am talking about, like when you wake up the next morning at least 5 people tell you all the dumb-ass stunts you pulled and how you made an ass of yourself especially when talking to others. Last night was no exception.

Let me preface this with some background. I have tried all kinds of alcohol for all kinds of reasons. However what turns my frown upside down, is some of Kentucky's finest. It cannot be just any type of "drink" though, I have tried all kinds, but there is a certain one that holds a special place in my heart...Let's just call it E-Dub, for now.

Any who, (whoa, still a little tipsy) if I drink this elixer, then it has to be 750mL to a Liter's worth, but I should only drink between 1/2 to 3/4 of the bottle (are you as confused as I am)...and here's why. Any more and I would be as worthless as a poopie flavored lollipop. Any less, and it would just make me thirsty, Dammit!. However, when entering in this range of goodness and fortune, of bliss and radiance, I find that there are some side effects that have elevated my status to some of those around me. I dare to say, that when engrossed in the charcter the exudes from me, with the help of the E-Dub, I simply and plainly become a Rock Star! (Woo Hoo Bitches)

So, I have been informed from a woman that shall remain nameless and may be a bit sore and bruised, as of right now, I was informed that while being under the influence of this "potion of might", I become a "Sexual Tyrannosaurus". This was not the first time I had been told this...actually the same nameless, bruised, beast of a woman told me this the very first time I sipped the goodness that is the E-Dub. Both stories are very similar, in their tales of my conquering exploits and good cheer for all, however they also share the same experiences for me, in which, I can't remember a damn thang!

I have been told, you cannot even tell that I am passed the point of no return, I never slur my words, I act great and I am a bit hyper. However, on to the skinfest. The first time I drank the "Waters of Kentucky", I apparently pulled this woman's pants down, in the kitchen, threw her up on the counter and proceeded to make swift, sweet love to her on the kitchen counter. After about 20-30 minutes of straight hammering, I stopped told her I was going out for a cigerette and I would be back for her in a few moments (I am just repeating what I have heard). Upon my return she said she was better prepared for me...if you ever knew me at all, don't ever try to challenge me or be "prepared for me", because I will always try to one-up you. So in this case, it was the same way, there was some hair-pulling, which there was some hair in my hands the next morning, there was some choking, with both my hands and my legs...(yeah, think about it), there was a 59, and then I passed out after about another few hours of said recreation. Last night all the same stuff happened, except for a new interesting twist, apparently I forced this woman, who is not a latina, but I forced her to try and speak spanish to me and call me "Poppie". Hmm, who knew right? Well, this morning I had scratches and bite marks and my toenails were polished, and for some reason there was a goat in my room.

Whatever, hey all I know is that I will be ringing in the New Year with Mr. Williams, so ladies...."Look but don't touch...unless you can speak Spanish."

Happy New year, Bitches!!!

And, that's all I'm sayin'.